wow doesn’t it suck that love isn’t enough sometimes wow im not ok
My moms boyfriend constantly puts me down and is a shitty melancholy fuck who is miserable and is always so ornery with me so i’m like alrighty then fuck you. So at first he’s all like haha yea lets go bowling at 10:30 on a school night bc i’m cool but then does a 180 and is like “you can’t do simple tasks without fucking up.” and then when i was admitted to the hospital, my mom made him come along bc she “needed support too” but like they didn’t talk or look at each other and its like, “wow ok you need support but im here bc i want to fucking kill myself ok.” so im sitting there waiting 6 hours for a fucking doctor to come ask me questions and whatever the fuck they do, and i start dozing off and my moms boyfriend goes, “sit up, this isn’t a vacation spot.” and im like “yea bc i overdosed to spend 6 hours with you in a cold tiny room bc i wanted to bond.” and he goes, “this isn’t the time to crack jokes, you’re here bc you’re messed up.”
IM MESSED UP.
I THINK ITS MESSED UP HOW A SHIT FUCK 27-YEAR OLD LOOKIN LIKE A 47 YEAR OLD CAN MAKE ME LITERALLY WANT TO KILL MYSELF AND THEN CALL ME MESSED UP.
So, life started getting better bc i started dating this guy that i love so much and just ugh yes but things started getting fucking hectic in my house and school is coming up /.\ which is right now so basically what im saying is is, i may be in love, but sometimes love isn’t enough. i want to die. i’m not in pain. im actually so numb. but it’s a numbing pain.
it started off as pain but transitioned into this serene sadness.
Brandon, I love you but I can’t find the strength to fight anymore.
I’m sorry Jasmine, Ashley.. and I’m really sorry Eddie, that you couldn’t find the fucking decency to leave me the hell alone in my time of shit. I hope there’s a hell, and if there is, I’ll see you there.
i want to spray paint things and scream bc life is just so hard man